This weeks eats. 

Hi to anyone reading. So this past week my food diary has been full of delicious bits and pieces I’ve tried. I’ve been struggling a bit with an increase in calories both psychologically and physically. My tummy really gets punished after a biggish meal. But I’ve tried to keep it up, even thought it is…

‘Snap out of it’

So, take a breath. Now imagine you’re trapped in a small glass box. Your ankles and hands are chained to the interior, big and sturdy iron cables. There is no way out. Now the box starts filling with water, slowly at first, but then very, very quickly. You are attempting banging on the glass, yelling…

The day the monsters visited.

It was early September. My hair was longer and brain lighter. My eyes were full of brightness and a face full of life. My head was full of dreams and aspirations, goals and plans. Nothing phased me too much. I had everything sorted.  I was in the library. The day they visited. Head buried beneath…

Why I stopped dancing.

For a very long time I wanted to be a ballerina. Yes, I was the classic toddler prancing around the shops, obsessed with ballet movies. I adored my pink tutu and refused to let anyone else near it. As I got bored of tip toeing around a studio I got into different styles when I…

Validation.

If there’s one thing that I seek more than anything in the world it is validation. Validation for literally everything. Whether that’s validation if my maths exam result is ‘good enough’, if my eating disorder is ‘bad enough’. I crave validation. Its the goal in literally everything I do. Validation from friends, family, people, everyone. …

A confession.

I am lost. Totally and utterly lost. Every inch of me is numb. I am full of caffeine and laxatives. No life. I am trapped in a body that is slowly killing me, suffocating me. I see people everywhere crying, taking their own lives. I see so much and I see so deeply. That one…

50 questions you’ve never been asked tag 🌸

Hey there! So I am currently cosy after a long day – I don’t know why but I think it’s November outside and I’m loving it! I’ve also just eaten ‘pizza’ toast, which is just a childhood classic. Today I’ve decided to post  this tag, basically answering a load of random questions, that I may…

What people with eating disorders want to tell you.

1. Please don’t talk about your diets in front of me. It’s incredibly triggering, and you are so beautiful as you are, I don’t want you to deny food you crave. I know where obsession leads. 2. Please don’t talk about what I am and am not eating. I know you might be pleased, but…

‘Whats it like to recover?’

What’s it like to recover? Beautiful, heartbreaking, soul destroying. It can be a mixture if everything all rolled up together, spinning so fast you can’t distinguish good days. It is yelling at your reflection because you’re bloated, breaking locks to find soap, searching your entire house for scales, crying at your dinner, using bleach as…

May in photos 

Is it just me who’s absolutely terrified by the prospect that we are already over half way through the year. 2018 is closer than 2016.. erm what?! For me the year almost stops in October, because I love love LOVE that time of year and it always goes so quickly. Less than 4 months till…

Sunday Evening Routine

Sundays are such a good day. Especially Sunday Evenings. I love using Sunday evenings as a bit of an excuse to get into super cosy pyjamas and gather every snack in sight – you’ve got to start the week of right I guess! I’ve decided I really want this blog to be a super cosy…

Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder (yes it’s a thing)

I have spent the last few summers miserable, irritable and tearful. Needless to say, it was difficult to distinguish whether I actually had an issue with summer, or was simply going through a rough patch with all the other disorders that decided to pop up now and then. Last Summer was quite definitely the least…