I’m finally glad that I didn’t die

I waited for death for years. I didn’t want to die. Not really. I just knew I wanted to escape. For this mental torture to fade into silence. All I wanted was a sense of calm and I couldn’t find that anywhere else. People threaten you with the possibility of death if you don’t stop,…

I am not anorexia.

For so many years I have seen myself as nothing more than a mess that needs to be cleaned up. I have viewed myself as OCD and anorexia, viewed myself as a case that needs to be solved. My anorexia has had me. My OCD has controlled my life. My entire being was my disintegrating…

My anorexia.

Trigger warning. This blog post contains photos of low weights and could be extremely triggering for vulnerable minds. Before you continue, be aware of your mindset, and question if this type of content will be helpful. This has taken me a lot to post, as I still feel like I was never ill enough. Hopefully…

Mad world

  Tell me something. And I want you to be truthful. When was the last time you felt ok? Not the alcohol induced coma you find yourself suffocated with every Friday night or the fleeting euphoria of a drug high that clogs your unconscious with an unexplainable evil that, when your childish eyes have seen…

Accepting the sadness.

I have tried everything. I’ve walked with an app that fills my head with zen music and guided thoughts. I’ve drunk enough herbal tea to put peppermint trees out of business. I’ve tried partying and the social events that should fill me with gratitude to exist. I have screenshots of positive quotes that elicit no…

So I’ve started Sixth Form

Hello petals. I hope everybody is doing ok and I’m aware I’ve not been the most active with social media lately but everything has been pretty crazy. A few weeks ago I got my GCSE results and I was amazed. Despite my OCD making studying a near impossible task and having to perform compulsions throughout…

Living with depression // Self care

I have decided to start a segment for my blog about Living with depression and offering advice to people who also struggle. I’ve wanted to post something about functioning with extreme depression but I’ve found that there is so much to say. Hopefully this will be helpful and please let me know if anybody has…

Why I notice everything.

According to everybody who knows me well, there are a few obvious things about me. Some of which are noted in files tucked away in psychologist’s offices, some of which are actually pretty irrelevant but just as obvious in everyday life. For instance, I’m pretty shit at admitting I’m mistaken or incorrect. I blame my…

The update you’ve all been asking for.

Hello guys. I’m aware my blog has been lacking in personal content recently, and if you follow my Instagram you’ll know I’ve not been in the best state mentally. I’m finally feeling better and I know everybody has been asking for an update so I’m sat here with a cup of coffee and my laptop,…

I spoke to a girl who used to run a Pro Ana page

My last post had an unexpected response. A girl messaged me pretty soon after I published it, and she talked about how Pro Ana was her entire life, and was the reason behind her developing anorexia. Whilst reading her message, I was intrigued by the confession, as she spoke about her experience with running a…