Is it just me who’s absolutely terrified by the prospect that we are already over half way through the year. 2018 is closer than 2016.. erm what?! For me the year almost stops in October, because I love love LOVE that time of year and it always goes so quickly. Less than 4 months till October.. I’m sure it was only 4 days ago.
May was.. interesting. I really do believe this has been one of the longest months in history. I had a horrible dip with all things mental health and I had a good two weeks of being the absolute worst I’ve been in a very long time. But, I ended May, just slowly beginning to gain a bit of confidence back, and the body dysphormia is getting less intense, and the image I see in the mirror is not as distorted. May was definitely a test but I survived and I have photos to prove it 🙂
The first photo from May – a salad how iconic. This particular day I had been studying and found this salad in Tesco for a bargain of £1 (I’m not 80, I promise). Casy being Casy, I had to pick up a Starbucks Doubleshot Espresso. I swear to you these are extraordinary. They taste like chocolate lattes but there is zero cocoa in there, trust me, I’ve read the ingredients four times to make sure! I actually sat and ate this on a wall while waiting for the bus, and it was so so windy, a few lettuce leaves got carried away into the sky.
This day, I was going to buy laxatives; all of the others had been flushed down the toilet after being discovered. I went to pay for them, but then had a lightbulb moment and realised how pointless this packet of tablets is and that it can’t bring the life that I desperately need. So I put the pack back and took a photo to remind me to never pick lax up again. I haven’t gone back for them.
I started conquering fear foods after that. Beans on toast, B&J cookie dough ice cream. I’ve realised that nothing is ever actually as awful as anorexia tells you.