This weeks eats. 

Hi to anyone reading. So this past week my food diary has been full of delicious bits and pieces I’ve tried. I’ve been struggling a bit with an increase in calories both psychologically and physically. My tummy really gets punished after a biggish meal. But I’ve tried to keep it up, even thought it is…

‘Snap out of it’

So, take a breath. Now imagine you’re trapped in a small glass box. Your ankles and hands are chained to the interior, big and sturdy iron cables. There is no way out. Now the box starts filling with water, slowly at first, but then very, very quickly. You are attempting banging on the glass, yelling…

The day the monsters visited.

It was early September. My hair was longer and brain lighter. My eyes were full of brightness and a face full of life. My head was full of dreams and aspirations, goals and plans. Nothing phased me too much. I had everything sorted.  I was in the library. The day they visited. Head buried beneath…

A real care day for depressive episodes.

Uh oh – I can guess what you’re imagining this post to be. One of the stereotypical ‘lush baths and diptyque candle’ posts. The squeaky clean posts that label as ‘self-care’.  Don’t get me wrong – I love those types of posts and can spend hours trapped in a place where brushing your teeth is…

Where did I get anorexia? 

Its the first question people ask. ‘When did you get sick?’. ‘Why did you get sick?’. It’s the million dollar question. And it is one that, to this day, I don’t have an answer to. I blame people, and I blame me. But I can’t find a definite answer. I ‘got anorexia’ around pre-teen age….

A confession.

I am lost. Totally and utterly lost. Every inch of me is numb. I am full of caffeine and laxatives. No life. I am trapped in a body that is slowly killing me, suffocating me. I see people everywhere crying, taking their own lives. I see so much and I see so deeply. That one…

50 questions you’ve never been asked tag 🌸

Hey there! So I am currently cosy after a long day – I don’t know why but I think it’s November outside and I’m loving it! I’ve also just eaten ‘pizza’ toast, which is just a childhood classic. Today I’ve decided to post  this tag, basically answering a load of random questions, that I may…

What people with eating disorders want to tell you.

1. Please don’t talk about your diets in front of me. It’s incredibly triggering, and you are so beautiful as you are, I don’t want you to deny food you crave. I know where obsession leads. 2. Please don’t talk about what I am and am not eating. I know you might be pleased, but…

Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder (yes it’s a thing)

I have spent the last few summers miserable, irritable and tearful. Needless to say, it was difficult to distinguish whether I actually had an issue with summer, or was simply going through a rough patch with all the other disorders that decided to pop up now and then. Last Summer was quite definitely the least…

The unavoidable bloating- Anorexia recovery.

Fact: People bloat. Fact: It is normal for our stomatch to stretch after a full day of eating. Fact: You’re going to bloat. Even though it is absolutely one hundred percent normal and temporary, it doesn’t make bloating any less 1) Painful  2) Easy  3) Triggering. When you start increasing your calorie intake, you won’t…

A Day of Fear Food

I posted a photo on twitter the other day and said ‘Recovery, take 5’. I had therapy yesterday and something just, well, clicked. We were talking about how long I’ve been in therapy and how at the end of th day it’s up to me. I can’t rely on other people, and I’m going to…

Toast.

I used to love toast. For breakfast with layers of sweet honey, dripping over the sides, along with a coffee with a good amount of milk and sweetener. Or strawberry jam, the kind that is filled with berries that  explode on your tongue on a side dish along with your bowl of cereal and breakfast…