The questions everyone seems to want answered.

No numbers are mentioned on here. I am aware that so many people ask about this but it is a topic I feel very strongly about regarding with discretion as it can be so triggering for myself and others.  Hello my loves. i hope this week has been ok for everyone so far. So far…

The people who unintentionally save my life everyday #2

So a while back I did a post very similar to this. It was very mushy and all that but it gave me an opportunity to really be honest and vocalise my gratitude towards a few particular people. The internet is a very, very weird place. Yes, we all sat through those assemblies. ‘Never talk…

Changing therapists (say whaaaa)

A few months back the decision was made that I would be having an assessment by a psychotherapist. Now for those of you unfamiliar with my personality, me and change are not the best of friends. I am also a huge fan of my CBT therapist. I’ve been seeing her for about 18 months, so…

It was all lies.

One more. Two less. A little further, A little lower. A bit stronger, a bit smaller. Fading  Down four. Decrease 60. Up by an hour. Patience please. Don’t give up. Perfection awaits you. Don’t you want it? No Yes. Five less. Ten. Maybe 20? How about 50? Let me out Net. 500. Tomorrow will be…

How I deal with the unavoidable ‘Food Guilt’.

It’s anorexias speciality. The ‘why did you just eat that?!’. The ‘you just ruined everything’. It screams at you ‘1000 calories. Did you really just eat 1000 calories?!’. And no matter what you do, the voice doesn’t go anywhere. It gets a bit quieter, but it never leaves.  For me, this is the hardest thing…

This weeks eats. 

Hi to anyone reading. So this past week my food diary has been full of delicious bits and pieces I’ve tried. I’ve been struggling a bit with an increase in calories both psychologically and physically. My tummy really gets punished after a biggish meal. But I’ve tried to keep it up, even thought it is…

‘Snap out of it’

So, take a breath. Now imagine you’re trapped in a small glass box. Your ankles and hands are chained to the interior, big and sturdy iron cables. There is no way out. Now the box starts filling with water, slowly at first, but then very, very quickly. You are attempting banging on the glass, yelling…

The day the monsters visited.

It was early September. My hair was longer and brain lighter. My eyes were full of brightness and a face full of life. My head was full of dreams and aspirations, goals and plans. Nothing phased me too much. I had everything sorted.  I was in the library. The day they visited. Head buried beneath…

A real care day for depressive episodes.

Uh oh – I can guess what you’re imagining this post to be. One of the stereotypical ‘lush baths and diptyque candle’ posts. The squeaky clean posts that label as ‘self-care’.  Don’t get me wrong – I love those types of posts and can spend hours trapped in a place where brushing your teeth is…

Where did I get anorexia? 

Its the first question people ask. ‘When did you get sick?’. ‘Why did you get sick?’. It’s the million dollar question. And it is one that, to this day, I don’t have an answer to. I blame people, and I blame me. But I can’t find a definite answer. I ‘got anorexia’ around pre-teen age….

50 questions you’ve never been asked tag 🌸

Hey there! So I am currently cosy after a long day – I don’t know why but I think it’s November outside and I’m loving it! I’ve also just eaten ‘pizza’ toast, which is just a childhood classic. Today I’ve decided to post  this tag, basically answering a load of random questions, that I may…

Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder (yes it’s a thing)

I have spent the last few summers miserable, irritable and tearful. Needless to say, it was difficult to distinguish whether I actually had an issue with summer, or was simply going through a rough patch with all the other disorders that decided to pop up now and then. Last Summer was quite definitely the least…