I’m finally glad that I didn’t die

I waited for death for years. I didn’t want to die. Not really. I just knew I wanted to escape. For this mental torture to fade into silence. All I wanted was a sense of calm and I couldn’t find that anywhere else. People threaten you with the possibility of death if you don’t stop,…

Mad world

  Tell me something. And I want you to be truthful. When was the last time you felt ok? Not the alcohol induced coma you find yourself suffocated with every Friday night or the fleeting euphoria of a drug high that clogs your unconscious with an unexplainable evil that, when your childish eyes have seen…

Accepting the sadness.

I have tried everything. I’ve walked with an app that fills my head with zen music and guided thoughts. I’ve drunk enough herbal tea to put peppermint trees out of business. I’ve tried partying and the social events that should fill me with gratitude to exist. I have screenshots of positive quotes that elicit no…

How to notice.

Mental health problems aren’t existing as metaphorical movie references. That’s not real life. They’re not whispered secrets to friends, cold meals left at lunch. You’re never going to find the answers protruding from the cracks of  their wrists. So how can we notice,  if there is nobody screaming the truth from a window or stringing…

OCD – my story

I realised a few days ago, that OCD is something I’ve not discussed in detail. It is a mixture of the fact that I struggle to verbalize what I’ve struggled with, but also the fact that some of the things are difficult for me to discuss. For the past few years, OCD is something I’ve…

For a broken girl. 

This is written for somebody in particular, but can apply to anybody who is struggling with mental illness. I hope you find refuge in this reassurance.  You wear your disguise so beautifully, I often forget it’s a disguise at all. You’ve stitched it so close to your skin, it’s as if it’s a part of you….

How to feel better.

Full credit to Abbie, as I stole this idea from her scribbles of blog titles in her old notebook. But this seems to encapsulate such a lovely and cosy vibe, and I also think this might offer simple advice for anybody struggling and needing some way to ease the pain. Open the windows or find…

Everybody knows somebody

With NEDAW fast approaching, I thought it would make sense to post something in line with the whole idea of spreading awareness, and everything else the next week will undoubtedly involve. I am a huge believer in spreading awareness about issues that are seen as ‘taboo’, but it can cause a lot of anxiety in…

I am healing.

Healing is an art. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes love. – Pavana These wounds are finally starting to clot. The bruises are fading – purple embellishments slowly disintegrating. The twisted metal stuck deep in my flesh is finding it’s way to the surface – it hurts like hell, but I know it…

To the girl I was then.

When I was three years old my hair started falling out. Perhaps a humorous foreshadowmnet of the events that would entangle my family in several years time – but more medically correct, it was due to stress. If that wasn’t a warning flag to my mental instability, then who knows what was. I mean three…