How I deal with the unavoidable ‘Food Guilt’.

It’s anorexias speciality. The ‘why did you just eat that?!’. The ‘you just ruined everything’. It screams at you ‘1000 calories. Did you really just eat 1000 calories?!’. And no matter what you do, the voice doesn’t go anywhere. It gets a bit quieter, but it never leaves.  For me, this is the hardest thing…

This weeks eats. 

Hi to anyone reading. So this past week my food diary has been full of delicious bits and pieces I’ve tried. I’ve been struggling a bit with an increase in calories both psychologically and physically. My tummy really gets punished after a biggish meal. But I’ve tried to keep it up, even thought it is…

‘Snap out of it’

So, take a breath. Now imagine you’re trapped in a small glass box. Your ankles and hands are chained to the interior, big and sturdy iron cables. There is no way out. Now the box starts filling with water, slowly at first, but then very, very quickly. You are attempting banging on the glass, yelling…

The day the monsters visited.

It was early September. My hair was longer and brain lighter. My eyes were full of brightness and a face full of life. My head was full of dreams and aspirations, goals and plans. Nothing phased me too much. I had everything sorted.  I was in the library. The day they visited. Head buried beneath…

I survived. Sort of. / A real chat. 

Hi guys. Well I can safely say I have survived ten days away on holiday. Ten days. That’s like 14,400 minutes (just asked Siri). So no it definitely did not go as planned and I’m definitely not sure how therapy will be. But… I did it? Sort of. Long story. I’m proud I did it…

Food Log.1

Hi to anyone reading. I hope you’re doing well! Sorry that I’ve been M.I.A for the past eight days – I’m actually on holiday. I say holiday. Holidays are supposed to be relaxing. This has not been relaxing. I’m not the best with holidays. I get very anxious and I restrict a lot so Eating…

Be in my head for a day.

7am – alarm buzzes and I open my eyes. It’s that familiar few moments where I get to grips with the fact that I have to get up sooner rather than later. It’s also the moment where I grasp how my brain is going to be. This morning = not so great. I don’t get…

Validation.

If there’s one thing that I seek more than anything in the world it is validation. Validation for literally everything. Whether that’s validation if my maths exam result is ‘good enough’, if my eating disorder is ‘bad enough’. I crave validation. Its the goal in literally everything I do. Validation from friends, family, people, everyone. …

50 questions you’ve never been asked tag 🌸

Hey there! So I am currently cosy after a long day – I don’t know why but I think it’s November outside and I’m loving it! I’ve also just eaten ‘pizza’ toast, which is just a childhood classic. Today I’ve decided to post  this tag, basically answering a load of random questions, that I may…

‘Whats it like to recover?’

What’s it like to recover? Beautiful, heartbreaking, soul destroying. It can be a mixture if everything all rolled up together, spinning so fast you can’t distinguish good days. It is yelling at your reflection because you’re bloated, breaking locks to find soap, searching your entire house for scales, crying at your dinner, using bleach as…

May in photos 

Is it just me who’s absolutely terrified by the prospect that we are already over half way through the year. 2018 is closer than 2016.. erm what?! For me the year almost stops in October, because I love love LOVE that time of year and it always goes so quickly. Less than 4 months till…

Sunday Evening Routine

Sundays are such a good day. Especially Sunday Evenings. I love using Sunday evenings as a bit of an excuse to get into super cosy pyjamas and gather every snack in sight – you’ve got to start the week of right I guess! I’ve decided I really want this blog to be a super cosy…